Astringent Curse of Ides Inverse

(In verse 'cause it's so funny of course)

Hear the inside story of the kneeling knaves (our faves!)
on their annual pilgimage in petrification while they drain
and whimper revokations through April's freezing rains
"I bring you offerings of rare bouquets
as overdue Praise O' Queen of the May!
Look at the alluring texts I ignore from my cat the cad
playing catamite tonight 'cause he thinks he's been bad
(aw, one could almost call it sad)
What, no one buys our guise of beholdened chalice guys?"
Mary, better bless 'em quick while the gray's still in the sky
Dudes you forget! You call your nest a vespiary and you made it out of spit
-- have no fear: you pay your penance in increments when you lay your head in it --
Look! Erica is out the door, she finally threw her fit
Gene is leafing in the listings for a new apartment sitch
Veronica's been wounded, the winter's left its stitch
and for this one spell only, you aren't held a letch
Infact the bars are loose with lightweights who've heard legends of your dick
Quit feeling jilted jaunty, Jane will soon sort through her pout
resuming seat by Steven's side, ceasing to go out
Ah, the herald falls on deaf ears while the knave's forced to behave
until the better weather arives
and the ide returns his blade