Monday, May 21, 2007


To you (formal) / to her (singular and plural):
“The Princess and the Newt”
To you (familiar) / to him (bro):
“A Newt Can Be a Newt, a Butterfly Can Be a Butterfly, But A
Man Can’t Be a Man, the Princess Won’t Condone Such
To you (plural) / to them (mixed):
“The Princess and the Newt”

As I was using a cocktail umbrella to clean out the crepes from under my nails, Maureen dug in, “evidence of absence is not evidence of absinthe” which meant I should know the difference between silver and tin, which I do, so I stood up to dish it right back, and predictably “crack” – the wooden garnish now impaled so I resat. “Coincidentally Chris, this is no coincidence” meant I should take the blame for every time I was late (and my height), so I began my list as I did every day with a series of apologies that will never be seen, I crumpled it up and threw it at Maureen. I said, “Next to your name you’ll find a song you should know.” She read what I wrote: “Calling All Men Between The Ages of 22 and 40, Calling All Men Between The Ages.” “Yes, if I recall the lyrics ran ‘Oh please, massage my feet’” and we fell back to sleep by 8:38.

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